50 Shades of Gray...

It's raining today, and I should be getting ready but I'm on here.  It's soothing and today is another shade of gray. My life has been shades of gray lately but at least today it's raining and I like rain.  It's water after-all and my husband says the only time that I look gracefull is in the water.  It also rained on my wedding day and someone told me that the Irish say that that is good luck.  I don't know if thats true or if they were just trying to make me feel better.  It did, I'm still married, and I like rain.

So, anyway, you know how sometimes the weather around you matches your mood, and when it dosen't it freaks you out.  Like how starkly contrasting 9/11 was... beautiful blue skies, the sunshine mocking us. I hated that. But one day a few weeks ago, I was driving my firstborn home in the mini-van.  My hand was rubbing his back as he was fighting back tears.  The world around me was gray.  Gray sky, gray city, dead faded bown leaves swirling around my car. The weather felt me... felt my saddness, my anxiety, and then it felt my anger. 

The first shade of gray came in July when I recieved a court document telling me that I was being sued in court for partial custody of James.  My 15 year old has spent all 15 years in my sole custody and the past 11 years in the shared physical custody of my husband and I.  I felt like laughing and murdering someone at the same time.  And by someone, I mean Boo Radley and/or his newly-wedded attorney wife, Judith Sheindlin.

I showed the papers to James, and we immediately when into defense mode.  James sat at the pool in the sunshine and wrote a letter to the court expressing his desire to have no contact with Boo Radley and stating that he had a good father that he loved.  The letter was harsh and beautiful at the same time and it made David and I cry.  I started writing my Answer and New Matter. Then I took a trip to the child support office... yeah, that's right.  I didn't have an attorney yet, and wasn't ready to get one, but I had worked in a few law firms. I realized that Boo had his attorney wife to help him... but after doing some research and asking around about her, I couldn't figure out what was up with her.  I did find a cute wedding/honeymoon site with pictures from their recent destination wedding.  They went to the D.R. which only infuriated me more because that was MY honeymoon spot! These two were going to piss on everything!

At the end of July or early August, I had my first custody mediation. I went into the day a little stressed, but really, I have had sole custody of a child who is now 15 for his entire life! And this 15 year old is smart, well-spoken, and an old-soul of sorts... he knows what he wants out of life, and I trust him. I was just going in there to fight for what he wants... to stay completey with the parents and family he's had for 11 plus years.

So, I showed up with James (who demanded to be there), and my brother (an attorney, but not a family attorney).  Boo had Judy with him of course.  The mediator would only let Boo and myself in for the mediation.  We were in there for 20-30 min and this joker didn't make eye contact with me once while I looked him right in the face almost the whole time.  His answers were weird. I felt mine were heart-felt. I told the mediator that James wanted to be heard, so she sent Boo and I out and then took James alone.  Afterward, she brought us back in.  The mediator turned to me and said, "You have a really cool kid." I beamed. Then Boo piped up (imagine a meat-head type of voice) "Yeah, I know! That's why I want to see him!".  I stopped beaming and felt rage inside....that rage wanted to say, "Shut the fuck up you shit-head, what the hell do you know? And by the way, his awesomeness is no thanks to you!" Instead, I focused on a picture on the wall and told the rage that I agree but we need to be quiet.   Boo wanted a custody schedule set up right there, and dropped a bomb that he wanted James every other weekend.  I was like, really?  David and I have a teenager that loves us and is bonded to us and he doesn't want to spend that much time with us.  You want a teenager that doesn't like you every other weekend?  You be crazy! I think the mediator thought so too, because she said that nothing was going to be decided today and she would forward the case to the next level.  Boo left in a huff.  I went to the lobby and discussed hot-dogs with my brother and James to keep cool.

Next up was that Child Support mediation.  This time Judy Sheindlin entered herself as Bo Radley's attorney.  So, from that point on I began to refer to them as the Sheindlin-Radley team.  First she accosted me in the waiting room with her Louis Vouitton Bag to discuss the support.  I told her that since she was the defendents wife, I would just hang tight to discuss with the court mediator.  She looked annoyed and stalked off, heals click-clacking and designer hand bag swinging, like some Jewish Kardashian sister.  Inside Judy really took over, Boo barely said anything... at one point I pointed out to the mediator the Judy was Boo's wife.  The mediator looked at them and said, "Oh, thats weird."  I said, "Yeah it is!"  Judy started talking fast about how it doesn't matter because she is a registered attorney and is allowed be here.  I thought, "Settle down honey, we aren't saying you can't be here, we are just pointing out that it's weird."  At the end we settled on an amount that is nice to have, but will barely cover groceries for a teenage boy.  I left and got into my mini-van and passed team Sheindlin-Radley getting into a black BMW... the rage started trying to tell me all kinds of things!

The VERY NEXT day James and I showed up for the Custody Conference with a court Master. This time I had hired a family attorney.  I must have looked really good the day before because Attorney Judy showed up in lots of make-up and had flat-ironed her J-fro.  That was shame because her curls were honestly very pretty and I could actually hear her hair crying.  This time the attorneys and/or wives went in first.  Then James went in alone for what seemed like forever.  When he came out, he was upset.  He felt like the Master kept trying to push him, and he felt like he hadn't been heard or that the Master didn't care.  My rage started whispering.  Then my attorney told me that team Sheindlin-Radley was claiming that I had written James's letter to the court.  Anger flashed in James's eyes when he heard this and my rage was talking louder.  Then everyone (except James) went in to see the Master.  He was a large imposing man who obviously had a lot of life experience and enjoyed hearing himself talk.  He spoke mostly to me, telling me that I was obviously a good mom (when he said this, Boo Radley snickered and I had to control my rage from flinging my body over the table to strangle him).  The master thought that James was stressed (ya' think) and was ordering counseling to be paid for entirely by Boo Radley, and we would meet again in several weeks.  He also told Boo that David was James's father and he needed to respect that no matter what happened.  That didn't seem to sit well with the Sheindlin-Radley team, but oh well, the truth hurts.

So, that gray day when I was rubbing my child's back in comfort, we were leaving the counselor's office.  He had told James to ask me questions about when I was pregnant and considering adoption, and when I didn't Boo Radley got angry and deserted the pregnancy and the baby.  It was a hard, sad talk.  I told him that adoption was a good, noble, loving thing to do.  But I thought I could do this child-raising thing, and was not strong enough to give him away.   Boo didn't want to give the baby away out of nobility or love, he wanted the baby away out of selfishness, to solve the problem.  And now he was back out of selfishness. 

He doesn't want what's best for James.  He wants what's best for him, to clear his guilt or make him look better to his wife and her family and friends.  I know this by the things he says... "I deserve to see him...It's MY right to see him, etc".... never about what James wants, just what HE wants. To force a 15 year old young man to spend time with him... suddenly uproot him from a strong nuclear family every other week, take his free time from him, make his work and fun time a hassle.  It's about Boo.

So, today I have to drag my ass back to court for Family Court Part Duex and it's raining so I hope it will be good luck... I will let you know more about the antics of team Sheindlin-Radley, and the funny things my rage wants to say or do.  Hopefully James wins his battle, and I will do my best to help him and slowly the shades of gray will get lighter and bluer.

*disclaimer* Any references to murder or bodily harm to others are meant in jest.