Yesturday on Facebook I posted a comment that got 40 repsonses (some were me responding to responses) but this is more than any wacky kid posting that I have ever put on there. What the hell !?! What was it about? Shoes - Specifically the riding boots that are galloping across women's fashion. I hate them.
I don't hate every knee high boot, in fact many of them can look very stylish to me. Just not these g-damn riding boots. I may have taken the wrong angle on Facebook, however, concentrating mostly on the fact that their functional purpose is for horse-back riding and that I only want to see them used for such. Female facebook friends cried foul, with claims of loving their dear boots. This I have no doubt is true, woman to love these things. My sister-in-law attacked back pointing out that have a pair of clear "jellies" that I have hung on to through the years and my fashion sense must be waining due to birthing three males. I also don't spell well, and if she has to put up with that, I have to put up with her boots. I said fine, but if she wears them in my presence I whinny and neigh at her. Then I left the house and went to Wegmans, where I saw a plethera of female equestrians doing their Thanksgiving grocery shopping.
This morning, I drove my mini-van taking James and Warren to school. They go to two Catholic schools clear across our small city from each other. As I did, I watched people on the sidewalks going to work and kids going to school, and I realized what my deep down problem with the riding boots is - I have politicized these boots.
Fashion can be artistic and handcrafted and thus labels can get expensive. I get this. I also enjoy that this type of art can be "knocked off" so that everyone can enjoy the artistic expression if not the craftmanship. Riding boots (and Sperry's, which I also threw under the bus) are not artistic, they are functional and usually well crafted. But what is their original function? Horseback riding and sailing/yachting, two activities of the Leisure Class (Veblen). These two types of footwear bother me because they mimmic participation in two activities of the (usually) wealthy. There is nothing particularly stylish or artisic about them other than being styled after something some WASP would take off and leave in the mudroom before saying, "Harriet, I have finished with my riding lesson, please draw me a bath and later I will be having cocktails on the yacht with Muffy and Emmett." So, just being wealthy is stylish? Ugh. And the functional footwear of the upper-class's recreational activites is what every day women are going to choose to wear around as part of their personal style? I just won't be a part of it.
You think I'm going too far with this? Is it really that big of a deal? Yes. Just look at the hoopla around Michele Obama and Ann Romney's fashion choices for their husband's conventions. I'm not a big fan of the President right now, as much as I wish I could be, but - Michele Obama takes great pains not to dress in something too expensive. Why? Because buying couture is almost offensive to the everyday woman. But really, why should she care when the everyday woman is running around in riding boots.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Part Deux
Let me get some housekeeping out of the way. A very smart, and very sophisticated Jewish friend of mine told to me that my two references to "Jewish" in the last post were a bit "chilling" for him. This surprised me because since he's a published writer I thought my bad grammer and spelling mistakes would chill him most. I told him - I only included the jokes because Judy is, in fact, Jewish and there are comedic things about that just like there are comedic things about me being Catholic, or a SAHM, or a hippy raw milk drinker, or any crazy shit about me. However, I am no Sarah Silverman, just a goyische girl who may not be able to make these jokes. I don't mean to offend and if I had to marry a son to anyone other than a good Catholic girl I would hope she'd be Jewish because Protestents are really no fun.
So, back to the story...
Yesturday, David came with us. I picked him up at work and as handsome as this guy is, I wish I had reminded him to dress up a little that morning (he's a fashion-free Engineer in a casual work enviroment). We picked up James and then I drove around the block five times trying to find a spot where I could parallel park the mini-van. This annoyed my precision driver husband and the annoyance escalated when I had no money for the meter and he was determined to find some change in the abyss of the van. I told him that I would just get a $10 ticket and it was no big deal... but it was big deal to him because he reminded me that I have never had just a $10 ticket because I never do anything in a timely manner and before I knew it, I'd be in handcuffs in the back of a constable's car making tearfull phone calls to my lawyer brother (yes, this actually happened and it's quite a story). God intervened, and we discovered that the meter was dead.
We entered the courthouse and got in line to go through security. As I was waiting I scanned the loby for either my attorney or team Sheindlin-Radley. I spotted the duo waiting by the elevators. The curls where still gone and this time the hair torture had escalated to a long extension pony-tail. But then I spotted it... the holy grail of natures revenge. As Boo looked up at the elevator numbers, I had a clear view of the top of his head. There, instead of thick annoying red hair, was a bald spot! A friar tuck, round like a yamacha, bald spot! Oh Glory Be of all things assanine and petty! Boo's hair was receding in an inversely porportionate amount to the length of Judy's ponytail like some evil pack with the devil they must have made.
We waited for my attorney and then checked in and waited in the hallway outside of family court. I should have remembered not to be worried about my husbands attire. Apparently, people roll out of bed and come to family court dressing worse than I would to go grocery shopping (maybe not Weis but definately Wegmans!). The court seemed to be running behind and David was definately a comfort as we were waiting. He joked about the times he had been there for his own parent's custody matters. I actually forgot he was old hat at this!
Finally the lawyers went in and out, and then I was brought in with Boo. The Master ordered more counseling and then we would reconvene in February. Again, he talked mostly to me and I don't blame him, team Sheindlin-Radley varies between commical and scary depending on what moment you look at them. I tend to avert my eyes so as not to have any innaproprate expressions on my face. The master also made an interesting concrete anaolgy for Boo's sake. He basically said that Boo had let the concrete cure for 15 years and it would be difficult to try to stir or form it any differently now. Boo must have been ready to say a lot of stupid stuff because Judy kept patting and rubbing his leg, like she was comforting an upset dog at the vet.
Then they wanted to talk about insurance because Boo is responsible for paying for this counseling and it was obviously making him uneasy. They said a lot of confusing things about payments and deductables and I think they were even confusing themselves. I was thinking, "Listen, I have three kids, you have a Bimmer. Just figure this shit out because I am busy woman." My lawyer said it for me in a much nicer way and then we left, but not before I had to go back and get James's early dissmisal school form signed because, you know, that's what us parents have to worry about.
Till next time....
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
50 Shades of Gray...
It's raining today, and I should be getting ready but I'm on here. It's soothing and today is another shade of gray. My life has been shades of gray lately but at least today it's raining and I like rain. It's water after-all and my husband says the only time that I look gracefull is in the water. It also rained on my wedding day and someone told me that the Irish say that that is good luck. I don't know if thats true or if they were just trying to make me feel better. It did, I'm still married, and I like rain.
So, anyway, you know how sometimes the weather around you matches your mood, and when it dosen't it freaks you out. Like how starkly contrasting 9/11 was... beautiful blue skies, the sunshine mocking us. I hated that. But one day a few weeks ago, I was driving my firstborn home in the mini-van. My hand was rubbing his back as he was fighting back tears. The world around me was gray. Gray sky, gray city, dead faded bown leaves swirling around my car. The weather felt me... felt my saddness, my anxiety, and then it felt my anger.
The first shade of gray came in July when I recieved a court document telling me that I was being sued in court for partial custody of James. My 15 year old has spent all 15 years in my sole custody and the past 11 years in the shared physical custody of my husband and I. I felt like laughing and murdering someone at the same time. And by someone, I mean Boo Radley and/or his newly-wedded attorney wife, Judith Sheindlin.
I showed the papers to James, and we immediately when into defense mode. James sat at the pool in the sunshine and wrote a letter to the court expressing his desire to have no contact with Boo Radley and stating that he had a good father that he loved. The letter was harsh and beautiful at the same time and it made David and I cry. I started writing my Answer and New Matter. Then I took a trip to the child support office... yeah, that's right. I didn't have an attorney yet, and wasn't ready to get one, but I had worked in a few law firms. I realized that Boo had his attorney wife to help him... but after doing some research and asking around about her, I couldn't figure out what was up with her. I did find a cute wedding/honeymoon site with pictures from their recent destination wedding. They went to the D.R. which only infuriated me more because that was MY honeymoon spot! These two were going to piss on everything!
At the end of July or early August, I had my first custody mediation. I went into the day a little stressed, but really, I have had sole custody of a child who is now 15 for his entire life! And this 15 year old is smart, well-spoken, and an old-soul of sorts... he knows what he wants out of life, and I trust him. I was just going in there to fight for what he wants... to stay completey with the parents and family he's had for 11 plus years.
So, I showed up with James (who demanded to be there), and my brother (an attorney, but not a family attorney). Boo had Judy with him of course. The mediator would only let Boo and myself in for the mediation. We were in there for 20-30 min and this joker didn't make eye contact with me once while I looked him right in the face almost the whole time. His answers were weird. I felt mine were heart-felt. I told the mediator that James wanted to be heard, so she sent Boo and I out and then took James alone. Afterward, she brought us back in. The mediator turned to me and said, "You have a really cool kid." I beamed. Then Boo piped up (imagine a meat-head type of voice) "Yeah, I know! That's why I want to see him!". I stopped beaming and felt rage inside....that rage wanted to say, "Shut the fuck up you shit-head, what the hell do you know? And by the way, his awesomeness is no thanks to you!" Instead, I focused on a picture on the wall and told the rage that I agree but we need to be quiet. Boo wanted a custody schedule set up right there, and dropped a bomb that he wanted James every other weekend. I was like, really? David and I have a teenager that loves us and is bonded to us and he doesn't want to spend that much time with us. You want a teenager that doesn't like you every other weekend? You be crazy! I think the mediator thought so too, because she said that nothing was going to be decided today and she would forward the case to the next level. Boo left in a huff. I went to the lobby and discussed hot-dogs with my brother and James to keep cool.
Next up was that Child Support mediation. This time Judy Sheindlin entered herself as Bo Radley's attorney. So, from that point on I began to refer to them as the Sheindlin-Radley team. First she accosted me in the waiting room with her Louis Vouitton Bag to discuss the support. I told her that since she was the defendents wife, I would just hang tight to discuss with the court mediator. She looked annoyed and stalked off, heals click-clacking and designer hand bag swinging, like some Jewish Kardashian sister. Inside Judy really took over, Boo barely said anything... at one point I pointed out to the mediator the Judy was Boo's wife. The mediator looked at them and said, "Oh, thats weird." I said, "Yeah it is!" Judy started talking fast about how it doesn't matter because she is a registered attorney and is allowed be here. I thought, "Settle down honey, we aren't saying you can't be here, we are just pointing out that it's weird." At the end we settled on an amount that is nice to have, but will barely cover groceries for a teenage boy. I left and got into my mini-van and passed team Sheindlin-Radley getting into a black BMW... the rage started trying to tell me all kinds of things!
The VERY NEXT day James and I showed up for the Custody Conference with a court Master. This time I had hired a family attorney. I must have looked really good the day before because Attorney Judy showed up in lots of make-up and had flat-ironed her J-fro. That was shame because her curls were honestly very pretty and I could actually hear her hair crying. This time the attorneys and/or wives went in first. Then James went in alone for what seemed like forever. When he came out, he was upset. He felt like the Master kept trying to push him, and he felt like he hadn't been heard or that the Master didn't care. My rage started whispering. Then my attorney told me that team Sheindlin-Radley was claiming that I had written James's letter to the court. Anger flashed in James's eyes when he heard this and my rage was talking louder. Then everyone (except James) went in to see the Master. He was a large imposing man who obviously had a lot of life experience and enjoyed hearing himself talk. He spoke mostly to me, telling me that I was obviously a good mom (when he said this, Boo Radley snickered and I had to control my rage from flinging my body over the table to strangle him). The master thought that James was stressed (ya' think) and was ordering counseling to be paid for entirely by Boo Radley, and we would meet again in several weeks. He also told Boo that David was James's father and he needed to respect that no matter what happened. That didn't seem to sit well with the Sheindlin-Radley team, but oh well, the truth hurts.
So, that gray day when I was rubbing my child's back in comfort, we were leaving the counselor's office. He had told James to ask me questions about when I was pregnant and considering adoption, and when I didn't Boo Radley got angry and deserted the pregnancy and the baby. It was a hard, sad talk. I told him that adoption was a good, noble, loving thing to do. But I thought I could do this child-raising thing, and was not strong enough to give him away. Boo didn't want to give the baby away out of nobility or love, he wanted the baby away out of selfishness, to solve the problem. And now he was back out of selfishness.
He doesn't want what's best for James. He wants what's best for him, to clear his guilt or make him look better to his wife and her family and friends. I know this by the things he says... "I deserve to see him...It's MY right to see him, etc".... never about what James wants, just what HE wants. To force a 15 year old young man to spend time with him... suddenly uproot him from a strong nuclear family every other week, take his free time from him, make his work and fun time a hassle. It's about Boo.
So, today I have to drag my ass back to court for Family Court Part Duex and it's raining so I hope it will be good luck... I will let you know more about the antics of team Sheindlin-Radley, and the funny things my rage wants to say or do. Hopefully James wins his battle, and I will do my best to help him and slowly the shades of gray will get lighter and bluer.
*disclaimer* Any references to murder or bodily harm to others are meant in jest.
So, anyway, you know how sometimes the weather around you matches your mood, and when it dosen't it freaks you out. Like how starkly contrasting 9/11 was... beautiful blue skies, the sunshine mocking us. I hated that. But one day a few weeks ago, I was driving my firstborn home in the mini-van. My hand was rubbing his back as he was fighting back tears. The world around me was gray. Gray sky, gray city, dead faded bown leaves swirling around my car. The weather felt me... felt my saddness, my anxiety, and then it felt my anger.
The first shade of gray came in July when I recieved a court document telling me that I was being sued in court for partial custody of James. My 15 year old has spent all 15 years in my sole custody and the past 11 years in the shared physical custody of my husband and I. I felt like laughing and murdering someone at the same time. And by someone, I mean Boo Radley and/or his newly-wedded attorney wife, Judith Sheindlin.
I showed the papers to James, and we immediately when into defense mode. James sat at the pool in the sunshine and wrote a letter to the court expressing his desire to have no contact with Boo Radley and stating that he had a good father that he loved. The letter was harsh and beautiful at the same time and it made David and I cry. I started writing my Answer and New Matter. Then I took a trip to the child support office... yeah, that's right. I didn't have an attorney yet, and wasn't ready to get one, but I had worked in a few law firms. I realized that Boo had his attorney wife to help him... but after doing some research and asking around about her, I couldn't figure out what was up with her. I did find a cute wedding/honeymoon site with pictures from their recent destination wedding. They went to the D.R. which only infuriated me more because that was MY honeymoon spot! These two were going to piss on everything!
At the end of July or early August, I had my first custody mediation. I went into the day a little stressed, but really, I have had sole custody of a child who is now 15 for his entire life! And this 15 year old is smart, well-spoken, and an old-soul of sorts... he knows what he wants out of life, and I trust him. I was just going in there to fight for what he wants... to stay completey with the parents and family he's had for 11 plus years.
So, I showed up with James (who demanded to be there), and my brother (an attorney, but not a family attorney). Boo had Judy with him of course. The mediator would only let Boo and myself in for the mediation. We were in there for 20-30 min and this joker didn't make eye contact with me once while I looked him right in the face almost the whole time. His answers were weird. I felt mine were heart-felt. I told the mediator that James wanted to be heard, so she sent Boo and I out and then took James alone. Afterward, she brought us back in. The mediator turned to me and said, "You have a really cool kid." I beamed. Then Boo piped up (imagine a meat-head type of voice) "Yeah, I know! That's why I want to see him!". I stopped beaming and felt rage inside....that rage wanted to say, "Shut the fuck up you shit-head, what the hell do you know? And by the way, his awesomeness is no thanks to you!" Instead, I focused on a picture on the wall and told the rage that I agree but we need to be quiet. Boo wanted a custody schedule set up right there, and dropped a bomb that he wanted James every other weekend. I was like, really? David and I have a teenager that loves us and is bonded to us and he doesn't want to spend that much time with us. You want a teenager that doesn't like you every other weekend? You be crazy! I think the mediator thought so too, because she said that nothing was going to be decided today and she would forward the case to the next level. Boo left in a huff. I went to the lobby and discussed hot-dogs with my brother and James to keep cool.
Next up was that Child Support mediation. This time Judy Sheindlin entered herself as Bo Radley's attorney. So, from that point on I began to refer to them as the Sheindlin-Radley team. First she accosted me in the waiting room with her Louis Vouitton Bag to discuss the support. I told her that since she was the defendents wife, I would just hang tight to discuss with the court mediator. She looked annoyed and stalked off, heals click-clacking and designer hand bag swinging, like some Jewish Kardashian sister. Inside Judy really took over, Boo barely said anything... at one point I pointed out to the mediator the Judy was Boo's wife. The mediator looked at them and said, "Oh, thats weird." I said, "Yeah it is!" Judy started talking fast about how it doesn't matter because she is a registered attorney and is allowed be here. I thought, "Settle down honey, we aren't saying you can't be here, we are just pointing out that it's weird." At the end we settled on an amount that is nice to have, but will barely cover groceries for a teenage boy. I left and got into my mini-van and passed team Sheindlin-Radley getting into a black BMW... the rage started trying to tell me all kinds of things!
The VERY NEXT day James and I showed up for the Custody Conference with a court Master. This time I had hired a family attorney. I must have looked really good the day before because Attorney Judy showed up in lots of make-up and had flat-ironed her J-fro. That was shame because her curls were honestly very pretty and I could actually hear her hair crying. This time the attorneys and/or wives went in first. Then James went in alone for what seemed like forever. When he came out, he was upset. He felt like the Master kept trying to push him, and he felt like he hadn't been heard or that the Master didn't care. My rage started whispering. Then my attorney told me that team Sheindlin-Radley was claiming that I had written James's letter to the court. Anger flashed in James's eyes when he heard this and my rage was talking louder. Then everyone (except James) went in to see the Master. He was a large imposing man who obviously had a lot of life experience and enjoyed hearing himself talk. He spoke mostly to me, telling me that I was obviously a good mom (when he said this, Boo Radley snickered and I had to control my rage from flinging my body over the table to strangle him). The master thought that James was stressed (ya' think) and was ordering counseling to be paid for entirely by Boo Radley, and we would meet again in several weeks. He also told Boo that David was James's father and he needed to respect that no matter what happened. That didn't seem to sit well with the Sheindlin-Radley team, but oh well, the truth hurts.
So, that gray day when I was rubbing my child's back in comfort, we were leaving the counselor's office. He had told James to ask me questions about when I was pregnant and considering adoption, and when I didn't Boo Radley got angry and deserted the pregnancy and the baby. It was a hard, sad talk. I told him that adoption was a good, noble, loving thing to do. But I thought I could do this child-raising thing, and was not strong enough to give him away. Boo didn't want to give the baby away out of nobility or love, he wanted the baby away out of selfishness, to solve the problem. And now he was back out of selfishness.
He doesn't want what's best for James. He wants what's best for him, to clear his guilt or make him look better to his wife and her family and friends. I know this by the things he says... "I deserve to see him...It's MY right to see him, etc".... never about what James wants, just what HE wants. To force a 15 year old young man to spend time with him... suddenly uproot him from a strong nuclear family every other week, take his free time from him, make his work and fun time a hassle. It's about Boo.
So, today I have to drag my ass back to court for Family Court Part Duex and it's raining so I hope it will be good luck... I will let you know more about the antics of team Sheindlin-Radley, and the funny things my rage wants to say or do. Hopefully James wins his battle, and I will do my best to help him and slowly the shades of gray will get lighter and bluer.
*disclaimer* Any references to murder or bodily harm to others are meant in jest.
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